30 to Eternity

I walk through the last days and weeks of being 29. The closer 30 gets, the more I wonder what that transition means to me...as a woman, as a person who feels far removed from being a grown-up sometimes. I ponder what I have done with my life up to this point. I wonder why 30 is such a precipice of existence, especially for females...chased by expectations of marriage, career, age-appropriate clothes, successful careers, children...

Who decided that 30 was the be-all end-all? I am more proud of the mountains I have climbed in the last ten years, the valleys I have crawled out of; then turning another obscure year older. I am happy to be alive, to have a strong and proud family, faithful friends I am honored to call "friend." I have my health, my sight, everything works the way it's supposed to. There are things I do very well, things I am learning to do better, and things I simply admire in other people. There are times I wonder how I got this far in life, and I am truly grateful.

For obvious reasons, this birthday makes me reflect on my life leading up to July 9, 2008. I recall being six, clutching Blankie as Mom carried me up the stairs to bed; at nine, I remember rollerskating in the basement, Whitney Houston on the tape player; at eleven, hugging my knees and watching Murder, She Wrote by the fire on Sunday nights; at thirteen, whispering "good luck" to my classmates before the curtain rose at the annual dance recital; upon my sweet sixteen...leaning out of the window at Camp Broadstone, the boys cabin serenading me as the sun set over the Blue Ridge Mountains; a freshman in college, contemplating a chaos of boxes in a sterile dorm room, minutes after my parents drove home with a lighter car and slightly heavier hearts; at twenty, watching the sun sink to the black sand of the Santorini beaches, reveling in my first international adventure; jubilant at twenty-one, shaking the Dean's hand, accepting my diploma, pausing to smile at my beaming family; twenty-three and unrolling my hard-earned Master's Degree, pride in my eyes; holding an infant patient at twenty-six, walking down the hall after his appointment, talking to him as he holds my fingers in his small fist; gazing out the airplane window at twenty-nine, watching the lights fade away as I begin my 2800 mile move to Seattle. And at thirty, looking at the radiant faces of my friends around the table during my birthday dinner...happier and more fulfilled than I have ever been.