I Fell in Love with a Republican

There was a time in my life, where I had a strict set of rules about what my ideal mate was going to look like. Anyone who knows me, is well aware that I am very much a pro-choice, Obama-loving, gun-hating Democrat. How did a nice girl from Asheville end up falling for a gun-toting Republican?

With Kid Gloves

I had a lesson in the use of kid gloves today. Or rather, the lack of them. I choose not to include the subject matter or the person in question, because it is not required to make my point.

I remember being a little girl and my mother saying to me, "You catch more flies with honey." Not to be punny, but that saying has always stuck with me. I don't claim to always use this sage advice in my dealings with people, but I do keep it in the forefront of my mind. My translation of this quaint adage is:if you are sweet in your treatment of another, they are more likely to do as you ask. This point of view came into stark contrast this afternoon, when I had someone treat me (and others) in the exact opposite manner: bullying, threatening, demanding. The ferocity with which this speech was delivered made me have an almost out-of-body experience. Part of me was horrified, the other part was fascinated, simply because I was amazed that a person could think such delivery would get the desired results.

I am not pretending that the sweet approach is easy. It requires a calm and level of patience that is not often my hallmark. But when I saw the hurt and resentment in the eyes of my friends today; felt the anger bubbling up in me; it helped me to see how benevolent the kinder alternative is to both the giver and the receiver. The fly-catching method minimizes stress levels and allows for better communication between parties.

So the next time I want someone to help me in some way, I would do well to remember the use of a simple "please." And this delivered with a smile would not hurt either.
Thanks, Mom.

A Weighty Subject

All my life, I've been a little on the thin side. My clothes have usually been a tad too big, my collar bone prominent. But lately, I've noticed that my pants are a bit snug. This is, I admit, a foreign concept. Especially the part where I (cover your eyes, parents)actually have what they refer to as cleavage.

I always saw extra weight as the enemy, uncharted territory I never wanted to navigate. But now, this unfamiliar five pounds is starting to feel...well, familiar. I like the way I look with a more womanly shape. It feels good to be content with a slightly swelled version of myself, a reality I never thought I'd welcome. Whatever the reason (being in my thirties?), I hope I continue to have a rosier impression when I look in the mirror.

Black Screen of Death: A Meditation on Windows Vista

Blackness of screen. Cold. Blank. Unyielding as a 100-year-old tree trunk to a toy hatchet. Glittering blue lights wink from the keyboard, evidence of life within. Mr. Gates, where do I find the missing puzzle piece? How do I unlock the impenetrable surface? It hides my words, music, sunsets over Mexican beaches. Blank. Cold. Blackness of screen.

The One?

Anyone who knows me, is aware that I have had a lot of boyfriends since I was old enough to date. Some might even call me boy crazy. I am secure in admitting these things because I am very aware of who I am. It is part of my personality that I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, or rather, tattooed on my naked arm. I recently had a female "friend" make fun of my hopeless romantic alter-ego. I have been guilty of wishing aloud that each new beau is The One. She pointed this out to me in front of audience (we all know people who do their best work this way) with a decisive sneer in her tone. Although cruel, her point did make me think about the nature of love and the all-important quest for the Holy Grail of partnerships: the nacho to my cheese, the peanut butter to my jelly, the sugar to my coffee....that person who will still be with me when my idea of sexy is elastic-waist pants and flannel nightgowns.

I am ok with the cruel jokes at my expense. Hoping that each new boyfriend is The One keeps me walking through every day with hope. I never want to be the hollow-eyed cynic who has lost all optimism. A good friend once told me that I'll just keep getting it wrong until I get it right. And when I do, I won't feel bad about being just a little bit smug;)And maybe this one is The One...

Boy-Friend

In an age where everything is seemingly driven by sex, true male-female friendships reach mythical proportions. It appears that I am one of the few who has captured this elusive phoenix of a relationship.

Matthew and I have been best friends for the better part of a decade. Our friendship began with a chance meeting in a coffee shop during that carefree summer of 1999. Despite distance and time, the closeness we have has never wavered. We have seen each other through an array of failed romances, disappointments and unthinkable heartache. I can comfortably speak for both of us, when I say that Matthew and I can talk about anything. This fact, coupled with our loyalty, ensures that we will be friends for the rest of our lives.

This remarkable friendship has become a testing point for new romances. We have deduced that, if a future (or current) partner can accept our platonic union and befriend the other one...then they are a worthy lover. And in every case, this has been a valid litmus test.

Many individuals, especially men, have said that sex always gets in the way of an opposite sex friendship. This is the exact point-of-view that prevents more men and women from having exceptional friendships. This is about choice, like any other important matter in life. People choose their friends and how they relate to them. I realize that people do not choose to have chemistry, however. This is one area that will always remain grey, concerning this type of relationship. But some of the best marriages I know evolved from a friendship first.

After 10 years with a male best friend, I feel I can dispense advice on this matter. Do not discount a friendship with a man or woman, simply because you do not share a chromosome pattern. Do not assume that this relationship will not work. Think of a food you were sure you wouldn't like...until you tried it. Now it is your favorite, and you can't imagine life without it.

PS. As an addendum to this post, I want to thank Matthew's wonderful girlfriend, Megan. Your strong self-confidence and good heart have allowed my friendship with Matthew to continue, as well as grow stronger. I am very lucky to be able to also call you a good...and even, best, friend. I look forward to the many years of friendship that lie ahead.