The Fiery Quill

I am a fool. Again. I can't believe Rob had me convinced that he really did have feelings for me after all this time. What a naive idiot I have been. After all that romantic bullshit he fed me over the last month...all the promises. What a waste of my time and energy. I don't know if he actually meant it or not. Because now he says that, after our visit last weekend, "and then from my end the spark, while still there, was much smaller than I had anticipated or expected." I've got one word for this....ouch. I've never been enough for this guy, and I never will be. Or maybe I'm too much. Either way, my heart is broken. And the sad thing is, this is not the first time I've let him him do this. I should have known better. I really should have. It's ok that I am single, I can handle that. What is hard for me to handle is being rejected so completely. Am I that bad? I think not! For crying out loud, I may not be the smartest or presttiest or best...but I...

Last week I got a postcard from Hong Kong. It has pandas playing on the front..it does not surprise me that this particular friend would remember they are my favorite animal. 6 years ago, I had a housemate when I lived near London for a semester in college. She has got to be one of the most fascinating people I know. Her parents are Chinese, but left Hong Kong before she was born, and immigrated to Holland. My friend speaks Dutch, 2 dialects of Chinese, English, German and some French. She would crack me up when I'd hear her on the phone speaking softly in Dutch with her sister, and then switch to a very loud and forceful Chinese with her mother.The first time I heard her do this, I asked if everything was ok...had she had a fight with her mother? Oh, no, she said, we were just talking about some recipes she was trying out. I haven't seen her or spoken with her on the phone since we parted ways on a cold night in December in 1999. But we have faithfully kept in touch through e-...

Where do I begin? I hadn't planned on breaking up with my boyfriend yesterday, but I did. It all comes back to be not being ready to commit to him. Not with the apartment, the relationship, or the engagement. It sounds strange, but the reason I didn't break up with him earlier is because I loved his family so much. They are wonderful people....who will probably hate me now, but at least I had the pleasure of knowing them when I did. And I really thought I wanted to get married..to my boyfriend. But I don't. And there was no way I was going to stay with him and hope he would one day be like his family. The worst part is hurting him. I wish I didn't have to, but in the long run, it is the best decision. It would hurt alot more to get married and realize then that we never should have, and then get divorced. Or realize the night before the wedding that there is no way I could go through with it!! We are just not the perfect combination. There is someone else out there for...